Barefoot Vagabond

maskbreaker @ 2009-12-23T18:51:00

2009-12-24T02:51:07Z

"Family" is an unusual concept. I hope to understand what it means someday.

Edit: that's not to say I don't feel the concept, or feel a desire for it. I just don't fully understand what I'm feeling.

maskbreaker @ 2009-12-19T08:55:00

2009-12-19T16:55:23Z

Man, I love misty mornings. Fog throws into contrast your immediate surroundings while shrouding everything far off. If you meditate on the fog, you can concentrate on the issues closest to you, breath in the healing vapors, and see all the questions far out there, hidden. Conversely, by limiting your vision, the fog brings clarity by removing clutter and ambition from your thought process. Really helpful thing. Oh and also it is beautiful and soaks up city detritus.

Ruminations, Conjectures

2009-12-02T16:45:04Z

A major roadblock in the communication between science and spirituality has been the placement of the soul. As a scientifically-oriented group of people in this here culture, we think of the brain as the location of everything we are, our thoughts, emotions, et cetera. Yet there's this notion we have, as a spiritually-needy group of people, that we are more than our bodies, that our soul or spirit exists beyond the scope of our bodies. This was a big issue for popes, who wanted to know where in the body was located the soul.

Luckily, I am smarter than popes. Conjecture!: the brain has been thought of as a sort of hard-drive, the place where everything is stored. What if we thought of the brain--the entire nervous system, in fact--as an ANTENNA. It is the spiritual circuitry needed to broadcast our specific personality from the Spirit World or whatever. Then, when a piece of our circuitry--the pre-frontal cortex or the nerves in our legs--breaks, there are complications in the transmission of information from the Spirit World through our bodies. This is a very comforting answer to the question of, you know: if we suffer brain damage, is our eternal soul damaged? NO! Only the circuitry by which it enters this world. Therefore! Eventually, you can incarnate into another machine, which transmits the data maybe more accurately.

HOWEVER! There are permutations in human bodies and brains. THEREFORE!: our personality, our individuality, is made up of, in some combination, some spirit being incarnated here! and the permutations presented by the particular circuitry involved in its incarnation. This would mean that WHO WE ARE is both eternal (in its overarching spiritual being) and finite (in the specific form that WE are taking right now).

RUMINATION on hidden wilderness: I was walking my sister's dog in the forest today, and decided to run! with him. He was very happy about this, and he started running, too. But I was running ahead of him--I thought I was faster than he was! Until he stopped jogging, duh. Then he went ahead of me, but he was still keeping only a few steps in front of me. He was running, giving in to wilderness (which makes him and, I suspect, most people, very happy)--but he was not sprinting as fast as he could. He made sure he wasn't running too far ahead of me. He was running with the pack--with me--which meant that we were running as a unit. Someone once told me that a big contributor to a dog's health is purpose, and that dogs need very concrete purposes. That's why they bark at strangers and bring home dead squirrels: to show that they're contributing. BUT! This dog, while running in the pack with me, neglected to run full speed so that I could run with him. THEREFORE: he was giving me the opportunity to run in a pack with him. He was contributing. I bet this gave him a sense of purpose.

So people, conjecture!: maybe if you live near some wilderness, you can run with your dog once in a while, and they will feel valuable and useful and be happier and healthier.

maskbreaker @ 2009-10-18T17:57:00

2009-10-18T22:20:36Z

I have a hard time dealing with the unconditional forgiveness of the natural world. No matter how much I twist up my insides, if I sit in a patch of long grass for just a few minutes, I can feel the world flooding into me and massaging it all out. This morning, I went to sleep in the woods on campus, having fallen off the wagon really hard, and I felt the wind touching my face and the power of it just enter into my body to heal what I've been doing to myself. And I resisted it! I felt that I didn't deserve the healing power of the woods. I thought to myself, I'll just go back out and screw myself up again, you shouldn't waste your time on me.

I've been thinking about that tendency, maybe even that mentality of the larger world, to ignore any transgressions against it and provide. The exploitation of that energy, at least in the physical sense, is one of the reasons we human people are in such a bind right now. Would it solve the problem to withhold that energy? Not in my case, no. I need the natural energy to heal myself. But I feel that it will be wasted on me, that the natural world should just cut its losses and provide me with no healing power. But that would allow me to become complacent in my self-harm, my self-contained avoidance of meaningful interaction (and consequently of pain).

Yet I'm inconsistent in my actions. Unconsciously or coincidentally, I've sort of adopted a naturalistic policy toward wrong-doing. I think it's useless to punish people as a dissuasive measure. When people are cruel or indifferent to me, I just make my energy available to them for healing. Punishment from me would not help them become good people. Besides, they should behave morally out of a concern for other people, not out of fear by punishment. And who am I to think that I can successfully condition them and predict all the peripheral effects? Of course, I don't have the training or capacity to unconditionally open myself to people; eventually I withdraw, close myself up, refuse to be the good listener. I retreat into myself and deny healing to people who need it.

But maybe this is how nature sees things too. It would be useless for nature to punish me; it wants me to be happy, to achieve self-realization, the same way I want other human people to achieve self-realization and happiness. The question of our age, it seems, is whether the natural world can shoulder the burdens of all the people who mistreat it. Of course, not everyone will be able to heal themselves, achieve total happiness and self-awareness. That requires motivation, the right social setting, maybe a particular personality type, et cetera. I've always sort of assumed that masters of social healing can take the burden of the uncooperative and disperse it. If the world itself is a master healer (which might be too forward an assumption), it would theoretically be able to handle the burden of petulant humanity. But maybe we're too big a burden. Maybe after a certain amount of abuse, the world will shut us out, ignore our needs, and we'll get wiped off the face of the planet.

maskbreaker @ 2009-10-08T16:48:00

2009-10-08T20:49:19Z

The theme for this week is: let go.

some tripe

2009-06-03T18:34:49Z

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
my hair looks like fire

How much cash do you have on you?
zayro

What's a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Moor

Favorite planet?
Jupiter, heifer. OR MARS.

Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
mom

What is your favorite ring on your phone?
they are all pretty dumb

What shirt are you wearing?
orange

Do you label yourself?
snargle?

Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
I see no label

Bright or Dark Room?
good natural lighting is key

What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Far away; hopefully eating well. <3

What were you doing at midnight last night?
reading/hanging out with the only other person still here.

What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
I do not receive text messages.

Where is your nearest 7-11?
Ellsworth? Maybe?

What's a word that you say a lot?
peripheral

Who told you he/she loved you last?
JJ

Last furry thing you touched?
yo mama.

How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Week 10 means stealing Adderal and Concerta. I am telling the Truth.

How many rolls of film do you need developed?
None.

Favorite age you have been so far?
fifty twelve.

Your worst enemy?
there are so many people who should fall on a spike.

What is your current desktop picture?
borrowed.

What was the last thing you said to someone?
"very week 10."

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
flight for me. But maybe I could do more good for the world with $1000000.

Do you like someone?
Arrrrrr.

The last song you listened to?
whatever was on when I left Caite's.

maskbreaker @ 2009-04-04T19:42:00

2009-04-05T04:05:01Z

001. Real name → Griffin Royce Wimminger
002. Nickname(s)→ Griffy, Grif-frog, Griff, Grifclaw, Jesus
003: Age: 145
004. Zodiac sign → Taurus
005. Male or female → Androgynous
006. Elementary → Chapman/French American School
007. Middle School → West Sylvan/Homeschool/Winterhaven
008. High School → Lincoln.
009. IS MISSING OH GOD
010. Hair color → Blonde and orange
011. Long or short → Longish
012. Loud or Quiet → Wild variation.
013. Sweats or Jeans → Jeans
014. Phone or Camera → This question does not make any sense. I prefer cameras.
015. Health freak → ORGANTIC FOOD, FOO.
016. Drink or Smoke? → Booze all the time, only to excess
017. Do you have a crush on someone?→ I have a crush on everyone.
018. IS MISSING OH GOD
019. Piercings → One, left ear.
020. Tattoos → All over my body, someday.

FIRSTS:
021. IS MISSING OH GOD
022. IS MISSING OH GOD
023. First piercing → 11 years old right before middle school started.
024. First best friend → Dakota
025. First award → Debate trophy
026. First crush → I started flirting with girls when I was two.
027. First pet → Siam and Persia the cats.
028. First big vacation → East Coast in 6th grade.
029. IS MISSING OH GOD
030. First big birthday → My 15th and 16th birthday parties were pretty big.

FAVORITES:
031. Favorite Color - DARK GREEN
032. Favorite Physical Feature - On myself or on others? BOOBS. Legs, lips, eyes, and the incurve of the sides of the stomach are all nice on women. I like my hands, voice, and hair.
033. Favorite Movie – Star Wars? Whatever.
034. Favorite Place – My forest, marmot, the country fair
035. Favorite Book - 100 YoS, Death of Ivan Ilych
LOOKING FORWARD TO:
036. Upcoming Movie → huh? I live in a small town and pay no attention
037. Upcoming Activity → Hanging out with Matt and Fiona.
038. Something in March → Spin bake
039. Something in April → Spring term
040. Something in May → birfday! (GIVE ME PRESENTS)

PEOPLE:
041. Mom → Laurie
042. Dad → no
043. Step-parents → mom's x-hus = Tom
044. Siblings → Riley
045. Best Friends → JJ, May, Alex B, Row
046. Others deserving alot of recognition → Amelia, Kassi, Devin, Kaija, Becca Bazooka, Caite E, Kate C, Dan R-W,
047. Idol → Wade Davis presently
048. Celebrity Crush → Katee Sackhoff, Carey Fischer,

CURRENTLY:
049. Eating → Chips
050. Drinking → Water.
051. IS MISSING OH GOD
052. I'm about to → plot out D+D campaign
053. Listening to → Phil + Kaija talking
054. Plans for tomorrow → school, study

Oh hey look, I ignored this for a few days and now I'm getting back around to it.

055. Waiting for → pesticides to wear off
056. Wishing for → strength
057. Craving → community

YOUR FUTURE:
058. Want kids? → only if I can raise them in the right place
059. Want to get married? → don't really know what marriage means yet
060. Careers in mind → fiction writer, psychotherapist, anthropological explorer, shaman, masked vigilante
061. Place to live → Willamette Valley, cleared of skyscrapers and city streets.
062. Vehicle → Feet, maybe horse.
063. Pets → buffalo
064. Fame → no interest.
065. Plans → See if the world ends on its own. If it doesn't, run away.
066. Children's names → Deirdre maybe. Something important.
067. DOES NOT EXIST OH GAIA

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY
068. Lips or eyes → I's, I spose
069. IS MISSING OH GOD
070. Shorter or taller? → I tend to be attracted to shorter women. Not universal.
071. IS MISSING OH GOD
072. Romantic or spontaneous → I don't get it.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms → stomach
074. Sensitive or loud → m...
075. Hook-up or relationship → really?
076. IS MISSING OH GOD
077. Trouble maker or hesitant→ trouble
078. Hair color → darker
079. Eye color → usually not brown

HAVE YOU EVER:
080. Lost glasses/contacts → I think I broke Mario's once.
081. Ran away from home → three or four
082. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → fascinated by the idea.
083. Killed somebody → Entranced by the idea. Won't gonna break no laws, though.
084. Broken someone's heart → spose.
085. Been arrested → No.
086. Been convicted → No.
087. Cried when someone died → No.
088. Eaten something off the floor → Denying the allegations

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself → evidence suggests I exist.
090. Miracles → Things happen or they don't. If it happened, it's possible.
091. Love at first sight → Indicators.
092. Heaven → Disgusting tool of a wealthy church to oppress the lower classes and keep societies complacent when they should overthrow tyrannical structures.
093. Santa Claus → Too much evidence to be denied.
094. Sex on the first date → Maybe.
095. Kiss on the first date → I think I've kissed during every first date. I guess I am a ho-bag.
096. Magic → It's a way of understanding phenomena. The mindset is necessary for certain accomplishments.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now → Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. It's time I talked to Kassi, but she's not in touch.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → sense of place is incomplete, sense of self is weak, peer group too obviously (though less and less universally) disdainful or uninterested. But I have two girlfriends, so.
099. Do you believe in God → Only the mentally needy believe in omniscient patriarchs.

maskbreaker @ 2009-02-23T22:40:00

2009-02-24T03:45:47Z

I don't really want a job. I just want to do magic.

I think... that the academic environment is becoming less and less interesting to me. But when I read about feats of mind-body Crazyshit, or spirit possession, or martial arts, or chi manipulation, I am totally drawn in. Same thing with strategy. I goddamn love strategy, can't get enough of strategy games.

I hope I'm this interested in hunting and gathering... if I don't have a career, I'll need to be happy surviving on my skills, the land, and nothing else.

Why am I wasting time with this education crap? I wanna make plant golems.

YOU GUYS YOU GUYS

2009-02-04T01:05:23Z

And what did I do with my newfound knowledge? I did photoshop to Battlestuff Galacticrack.

Most of the screencaps were thiefed from tracy_loo_who's Battlestar Galactica episode parodies. Some jokes have been wholly co-opted from her.

maskbreaker @ 2009-01-19T01:20:00

2009-01-19T06:44:59Z

I think I have to transfer. I've been avoiding the idea, but that's not going to be an option much longer. I love the environment here, but the simple reality is this: there are two part-time psychology professors. I think I've taken all but two of the psych courses this college has to offer. There are two lit professors: I believe that one of them has a wholly self-indulgent way of thinking, with little interest in attaining truth from novels and plenty of interest in appearances. The other teaches classes with subject matter that only occasionally interests me. There is one anthropology prof, who seems not particularly devoted to his work and whose main area of expertise seems to be his airy, droning voice and its enormous capacity to put one to sleep.

And the plain strange reality is this: I came to COA thinking of myself as a generalist. But in a fairly short amount of time, I have repeatedly specialized. Science is no longer of interest to me. Formal and vocational philosophy I find superficial. Mathematics often bore me. Visual art I have phasing interest in. Academically, my interests have become solidly centered on literature and psychology. Unless someone starts offering classes in wilderness awareness, martial arts, Qi Gong, or theoretical shamanic healing practices, I have a fairly clear academic niche.

But where the hell else would I go? COA is by far the best place that's likely to let me in (off the top of my head anyway, no offense meant to the rest of you who've found great alternative colleges with high rates of admission). Otherwise there's Evergreen or some other state school where I'd take mundanely labeled classes. After going to COA, I don't know if that's even an option. Not to mention my vanity regarding the status of my school.

And it's more than vanity. I guess I have a certain degree of COA pride. I get along with the people here. I'm starting to become attached to them. I've observed that the people I hang out with are mostly science-focused; I don't fit in with the Human Studies focused people, but maybe that's because they tend not to be very smart. The smarter people here are typically those who take Biochem.

So it seems like my options, so far, are as follows: 1) stay at COA and try to eke out satisfactory classes through tutorials and independent studies, b) transfer to Evergreen, which also seems to have a somewhat lacking psych department, or iii) find some other school.

I'm leaning toward 1, but that seems more likely to produce satisfaction than ecstatic enthusiasm for learning. El sigh. Here's hoping for teachers willing to do lots of 1-on-1s.

maskbreaker @ 2009-01-07T15:17:00

2009-01-07T20:18:29Z

You guys: cranberries + balsamic vinegar + nutmeg + cayenne + cumin + cinnamon = level 25 delicious.

maskbreaker @ 2009-01-01T04:41:00

2009-01-01T09:41:29Z

http://fantasymaps.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/frposterlarge_150.jpg

You guys I want a map of Faerun.

maskbreaker @ 2008-12-29T00:22:00

2008-12-29T05:23:14Z

1) What is so shady about me? I swear, every other person on the street gives me a suspicious glare.

2) Which is worse: to be bored or to dislike oneself?

maskbreaker @ 2008-12-27T19:39:00

2008-12-28T00:45:07Z

It really annoys me when people talk about MAN being the ultimate prey or whatnot. At its best, that is a silly conjecture, and at its worst it is self-absorbed and obnoxious. I think the idea stems from this story I once read that was written in the 1930s or something. But honestly. Modern humans? From the US and Europe? That is not... that is not remotely a challenge compared to stalking your average deer. What the hell.

Hey, man, you know what would be the most difficult thing to hunt ever? Someone who was raised surrounded by loud noises created by big machines, with dulled senses of smell, who has their food delivered to them, and has never been in a life-threatening situation! Yeah, that'll be SO hard. Way harder than hunting a creature who's been hunted their whole life due to how delicious they are, with natural defenses and a forest full of birds and squirrels who will alert them at the first sign of danger! Yeah!

maskbreaker @ 2008-12-26T22:09:00

2008-12-27T08:21:05Z

Somebody combined my two favorite things:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXTGd1Sab-w

Also: Holy crepe, Katee Sackhoff's film debut was the same movie as my stepsister's film debut.

maskbreaker @ 2008-12-20T10:45:00

2008-12-20T15:46:38Z

Dude! I got a Daily Deviation on DeviantArt!

I know it's not really that big of a thing, but it makes me really happy. Like, maybe my writing has genuine potential? Maybe? Oh gosh hope hope hope.

Dance Dance Dance.

maskbreaker @ 2008-12-16T00:34:00

2008-12-16T05:34:48Z

Friday January 16th Friday January 16th Battlestar Galactica that is all.

Just call me Blind Coyote

2008-12-10T19:00:55Z

Well, 96 hours with no food and no vision.

There are plenty of possible reasons for me to have failed. I came back after day 2 to avoid frostbite; does fasting not count if you're lying in bed? I drank tea instead of water part of the time to get me in a more spiritual mindset. Maybe that actually hindered me. Maybe my high tolerance for mind-affecting substances translates to a high tolerance for mind-affecting experiences. What does that mean? I'll have to take a five or six day fast? I don't know if I can tolerate that much pain.

Urgh. Maybe it's time for the Southwestern approach to Vision Quests. Or maybe I'm just not ready to be an adult.

Copied from Eloise because I like bears

2008-12-05T22:10:53Z

The first ten people to comment in this post AND repost this meme in their own journal get to request a sketch on the topic of their choosing from me!

If you are not a sketcher, I'm sure you have an art form you can use to "sketch" for others. This totally counts. (:

Given my limited artistic abilities, these will be doodles. Probably on lined paper, to preserve the doodlish authenticity.

maskbreaker @ 2008-12-05T01:37:00

2008-12-05T06:38:56Z

It's comforting to know how many other guys have that experience.

maskbreaker @ 2008-11-21T22:11:00

2008-11-22T03:11:52Z

So hey, everybody, I composed a song, and I'm going to shamelessly show it off.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/ryxb99

maskbreaker @ 2008-11-16T16:41:00

2008-11-16T21:41:46Z

1) I look pretty good and super gay in a scarf

2) I like having my assessments of people confirmed. Makes me feel smart.

maskbreaker @ 2008-11-14T23:16:00

2008-11-15T04:24:16Z

I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Ranger (3rd Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-11

Dexterity-15

Constitution-13

Intelligence-12

Wisdom-15

Charisma-12

Alignment:
Chaotic Good A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. He believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. He hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. He follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society. Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit. However, chaotic good can be a dangerous alignment because it disrupts the order of society and punishes those who do well for themselves.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter's dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Hmm... vexing.

I had 8 points in ranger, 0 points in barbarian, bard, sorceror, and wizard, -4 points in cleric and fighter, -6 points in rogue, -15 in druid, -19 in monk, and -23 in paladin.

I am confused as to why I am not at least secondarily druid... sadface? Maybe because druids aren't allowed to be chaotic good... I was somewhat close to neutral good. Maybe they'd let me be a druid if I was neutral good. Hmmmm... changing my answers to yield a neutral good alignment turns druid into the secondary choice. I am slightly comforted. And what is with everyone being a human? I was one point away from being an elf, evidently.

I think maybe my constitution is lower and my intelligence is higher maybe.

EDIT: Ha! Changing one answer turns me into a druid.
Also if my rambling about fantastical archetypes and where I fit in annoys you, I should not listen to words coming from your mouth and vice versa.

PS: Lawrence, if you still check livejournal I'm curious to see what your results on this quiz are, 'cause I think you're a Wizard/Fighter with one of those prestige classes that reduces arcane spell failure. And also that Augment Familiar feat and maxed out Knowledge(nature) and Handle Animal.

Also May I'm curious what it thinks you are.

maskbreaker @ 2008-11-14T10:08:00

2008-11-14T15:12:08Z

Um... click on them so my dragons will be ultimate? I promise it's not a trap.

This just in!

2008-11-05T15:01:24Z

McCain challenges Obama to double-or-nothing surfing competition for the presidency!